"I look at you, and I'm home"
-Dory (Finding Nemo)
I chose that quote from Dory for a very specific reason, it is probably the shortest most basic love quote, very basic and not full of fairy tale luster that I am usually drawn to but it really sums up not just love but my love.
I mentioned in my what Disney means to me entry that I didn't have a very good or stable childhood and that pattern followed me most of my life. From 15- very, very recently I was moving a minimum of once a year and couch surfing with family and friends after my mother decided I wasn't wanted anymore. Due to everything, I like many people had trust issues and issues with commitment because well, everybody leaves, don't they?
I remember when I first saw him, it sounds cheesy and fake but it's true. I was entering my second college lecture, I sat near the back but not too far back and off to the side. I scanned the lecture hall to see all my new classmates a room full of possibilities. Who should catch my eye but a long haired hippie boy with his long board leaning against his seat and a paisley shirt with the first few buttons open on his tan, toned skin. He reminded me of someone from a movie.
At this point in my life I was coming off of a messy break up, dealing with on going family problems, thrust into the world of financial difficulty and was dealing with an unidentifiable health problem. It wasn't a great time for me. When Jamie first told me he liked me my instinct was to not trust him, we had been drinking it was college , I was sure it was just a line and I told him that. He assured me his feelings were genuine but I was terrified of being hurt again.
For weeks I not only turned him down but I told him I would never date him. I was determined to make it on my own. Jamie was respectful never crossing boundaries but persistent. No matter how hard I pushed him away he stood there waiting for me to come back.
Slowly I began to trust him, I began to test if he'd really be there when I needed him and he was. In all honesty the first year if not two of our relationship was a roller coaster. I had trust issues and problems with anxiety, he had a long stemmed fear of commitment as well.
As with all loves we began to bend, through honest communication, a really under appreciated asset in relationships we learned to balance each other, to grow in ourselves while together and to heal together. We fell in love.
Fast forward 5 years after we met, 4 of a solid relationship. We were now probably one of the healthiest relationships ever despite ourselves.
All of my dreams were coming true, I had gained a new family, an anchor in my life. Things had settled down and I was finally happy and healthy and somewhere good with someone good.
If that wasn't enough my life long dream to go to Disney World was coming true and I was going to experience it with my best friend and my partner. When we got to Disney World the only people even close to my excitement level were the children everywhere, I think I spoke to more kids than adults on the buses because lets be real, they get it. When I saw the castle I cried. Jamie and I spent the next couple hours just taking it all in and exploring. In the early evening we met up with my best friend and rode some rides, until it was time to get a spot for Celebrate The Magic.
We got a spot near the bridge to Frontierland. They tried to get me to move to a more central location but I was scared of missing even a second of the show so we stayed put. Celebrate the Magic is an amazing show I was teary eyed the entire time. Then Wishes started.I was sitting on the fence post that lines one of the gardens, Jamie leaned in and whispered about life moments that are worth repeating and how this was one of them, and then he got down on one knee.
It was both magical and terrifying , my wildest dream and a terror. I froze, and then I lunged into an awkward kiss. We stood there, me semi blacked out but standing for a few moments. They moved me out of the crowd and I whispered to Jamie that I had basically blacked out with all the people there and I wasn't fully aware still. By this point we had made our way to the wishing well and away from crowds and I was starting to come too.
I thought about leaving this part out but I thought it was such a testament to his love, patience and understanding that it would be doing him and the story a disservice to leave it out.
Shelley suggested we take some pictures, and Jamie realized this was an opportunity. He knew I had panicked and not gotten the full experience in crowd so he took a moment to do it again still by the castle but away from the crowd. The memories of both rounds are kind of jumbled together but I cant think of anything better than being proposed to by the Disney castle (twice!) because my love is so loving and understanding when it comes to things like my anxiety and he wanted me to have,experience and remember the entire thing. He even planned for my best friend to be there, be the que and to take photos! It was such an extremely magical and over whelming night.
Earlier that day I had wished, in that very wishing well and I told Jamie I didn't know what to wish for because I had always just wished to go to Disney and here we were, so I wished for magic and that night I got everything I wished for and more.
"To face the future with anther, who means more than any other, is to be loved"
-The Rescuers
